NaNoWriMo 11/06/2007 - For Michelle

For Michelle

It rained last night. In the stupor of sleep I heard the telltale signs - the pattering of drops on the roof and the hissing of car tires as they rolled on the wet asphalt. I couldn’t see very well out of my bedroom window, but I imagined a quiet, dark world coated in a sheen of water.

When I awoke the sun was up, casting a low light, sharp against the rooftops. I thought of you and how abruptly you left us. It’s wrong that someone so young and full of possibilities is taken from this world. You had such a calm and peaceful demeanor that you carried with such relaxed grace. It was reflected in everything you did and a manifestation of a deeper strength. Other people in this world have to scream in order to be heard. You were able to express your thoughts quietly, and a boisterous room would hush in order to hear you speak. This was you way.

I did not know you well but there is a void inside me where your essence once resided. For your family and friends that void must appear like a bottomless chasm. It saddens me to think that those most blessed with your presence now have to carry the seemingly impossible burden of your absence. I have no alternative but to think that you are in a better place now - all other options are karmically unacceptable. To think otherwise would lead me to think that life is some cruel joke, but I know better.

This world is filled with improbable beauty and moments of joy that can’t be explained away or quantified as a collection of atoms and molecules. A small joke that makes a group of friends laugh, the gentle warmth of the sun upon your skin, a simple smile and “good morning” from someone like you…all of these things can’t be quantified by science, and suggest this world is more complex than we can imagine and is more - much more - than our brief time on earth. Your leaving us just reinforces this belief. As you go, you leave behind memories, smiles, laughs, and the hope of one day seeing you again, someplace more beautiful than even this earth, and more wondrous than we can imagine.

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